Andy Griffiths | BOOKS | Bumageddon The Final Pongflict!

Bumageddon The Final Pongflict

Bums!
Action!
Adventure!
Romance!
Robots!
Time Travel!
Prehistoric Bums!
Giant Brown Blobs!
A Huge Arseteroid!

It began with The Day My Bum Went Psycho.

It continued with Zombie Bums from Uranus.

And now it ends with Bumageddon: The Final Pongflict.

Reviews

A dynamic and over-the-top book aimed squarely at reluctant readers, featuring an action-packed story with short, easy to read sentences... Griffiths’ laconic and dry sense of humour will appeal especially to boys... Guaranteed to raise a giggle from the reluctant reader in your family – but more importantly develop their reading ability and confidence.
ABC Capricornia

Andy Griffiths is well-known in Australia as the author of many hilarious books for young adults, including the popular ‘Just’ series of books. This book, the last in the ‘Bum’ trilogy, most certainly will whet the appetites of his fans and will hook those who have never read one of his outrageous books... This novel, aimed at young adults, is highly entertaining. Rife with sidesplitting jokes and filled with all imaginable toilet jokes, this book will keep you up all night laughing your... I’m sure you get the picture. With this book, as long as you can stomach all the lewd and sometimes obscene references, reading it will be – quite literally – a blast.
The Write Company website

Young readers first met Zack in The Day My My Bum Went Psycho and continued following his adventures in Zombie Bums From Uranus. Now, in the final installment of the trilogy, Zack is back, fighting giant white bums as they attempt to take over the world. In an adventure packed with bums, smells and silly puns, there are also robots, romance, time travel and masses of brown stuff. In this gripping conclusion Zack, his bum and his friend Eleanor tackle the dreaded white bums in a final conflict just as bizarre and funny as the earlier installments. Of course, most adult readers won’t find these books as hilarious as primary aged children will – but they aren’t aimed at adults. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. But if you liked the first two books, you won’t be disappointed with this one.
Aussie Reviews website

Griffiths remains true to past form and the language leaves very little to the imagination. At an average rate of five bums per page, this book is one for the fans. They will think it is totally ‘arsome’ and will certainly give it ‘two bums up’.
Good Reading Magazine

If your children like Roald Dahl, they’ll enjoy this.
Australian Women’s Weekly

Look, I’m probably not the right audience for this book, but I didn’t think The Mutant Mutant Zombie Blowfly Spew Lord being turned into a Mutant Spew Lord puddle after escaping from the vacuum cleaner was very nice. Was that really necessary? But overall the book was very exciting. I had to keep reading to find out what happened, and I really liked the ending! But – and this is just my humble opinion – I think I prefer the ‘Just’ books.
Noel Griffiths (Andy’s dad)

Extract

Chapter 1: Blob

Zack Freeman looked up and realised that he was about to be squashed by a giant brown blob.

Oh no! he thought. Not a giant brown...

But that was all he had time to think before the giant brown blob crashed down on top of him — and everybody else — gathered at the Bum-fighting Academy.

Zack, his bum, his parents, Eleanor Sterne, Silas Sterne, the Kicker, the Smacker and fifty of the best and brightest bum-fighting recruits in the world.

All squashed.

All buried.

All completely giant-brown-blobbified.

Chapter 2: Blobbified

It was a sad end to what had been the proudest and happiest morning of Zack Freeman’s life.

Not only had Zack just arrived back on Earth after saving the world from a zombie bum invasion and rescuing his parents from Uranus, but he had also graduated from Silas Sterne’s Bum-fighting Academy. In one hand he proudly held his basic bum-fighter’s certificate, and in the other a special medal of excellence for his work in the bum-fighting simulator.

Unfortunately, however, none of the challenges Zack had faced so far — either real or simulated — had prepared him for giant-brown-blobbification.

He was way out of his depth.

And sinking fast.

He shut his eyes.

He pinched his nose.

He held his breath.

And then he did... well... nothing.

There was nothing he could do.

He could hardly move.

The blob was too thick. And too dark... or rather, too brown. Pitch-brown.

He didn’t know which way was up.

He didn’t know which way was down.

North or south.

East or west.

Zack’s mind was racing.

He didn’t want to die.

Not yet, anyway.

And especially not inside a giant brown blob.

What if the giant brown blob set hard and became a fossil?

And what if he became a fossil inside the giant brown blob?

And what if one day in the future they dug it up, cracked it open and found him?

He didn’t want his body to be put in a glass case and displayed in a museum for schoolchildren to laugh at. ‘Eeerggghhh, yuck!’ they’d say. ‘Blob-boy! Look at the disgusting blob-boy!’

Then again, perhaps that was better than not being found and having to spend eternity trapped inside a giant brown blob...

Zack shuddered at the thought. With a mighty effort he brought his mind back to the present. He had to stop worrying about what might happen in the future and start focusing on what was happening to him right now.

And fast.

Zack smiled ruefully as he realised he was still clutching his bum-fighter’s certificate. He’d been so proud to receive it, but in this situation a bum-fighter’s certificate wasn’t even worth the paper it was printed on.

Or was it?

Paper.

The word triggered something inside him — but what? What use was paper?

Suddenly an image of his grandfather flashed into Zack’smind. Percy Freeman — one of the world’s first bum-fighters: the Wiper. Armed with only a few rolls of toilet paper and an enormous load of courage, he had wiped some of the deadliest bums on the planet.

Paper.

Wiper.

Even as Zack’s oxygen-starved brain was shutting down, the two words forged a fragile, but life-saving, bond in his mind.

Zack knew what he had to do.

He brought the piece of paper up in front of his face.

And started wiping.